Kiran’s Story
I cared for both parents for 5 years. Dad 93 with Alzheimer’s and a frail 91 year old Mum. Sadly, Dad passed away in January this year. I am now looking after Mum who has just turned 92. I am a full time, unpaid, live in carer and do everything.
My biggest challenges have been that after retiring from a successful academic career I was hit by a series of traumatic, life changing events, which seriously affected my mental and physical health. As a result, I came back to Leeds to recover with my parents and found myself as their carer. With hindsight, I can say it turned out to be a blessing in disguise, although I did not see it as such at the time. They were there for me, in my dire hour of need, and I was there for them. The covid lockdown years put a lot of stress on us as a family as I was single handedly dealing with my mental and physical health as well as caring for my parents. I honestly don’t know how we got through those years, but with the support of the NHS, family, friends, BME Dementia Cafe and Sikh Elder Service groups we somehow came through.
I used to think being a Carer was a thankless task, just hard work and drudgery day in day out. On reflection I feel I’ve had the good fortune to spend time with my loving parents who have always been there for me and have never let me down and who have made a huge contribution to the life of the wider Leeds community. In 2001 my Dad was asked by Leeds City council as chair of the commission for racial equality to welcome Nelson Mandela to the City of Leeds. An honour he never forgot.
During these challenging years, I reignited my faith as a Sikh. Being of service to others is a fundamental principle of Sikhism brought home to me through looking after my parents. There is no way I could put them in care, impossible from an emotional and a cultural point of view. Dad was also a pioneer in developing Sikh Studies at Leeds university and his name is Sewa which means to serve. He would encourage me to embrace the message of Guru Nanak of ‘Oneness’ and to embrace the ‘Human Family’.
Carers Leeds are wonderful. I applied for a small grant to go on a Yoga Retreat to India for my wellbeing which was brilliant. A day trip to Bridlington, a Carefree Weekend with a friend. A trip to Tropical World during Carers Week for recently bereaved carers and I wrote a poem about it which was featured on their website. I was offered bereavement support for recently bereaved carers which is invaluable, working with an insightful, compassionate bereavement practitioner. Thank you Carers Leeds. You are a Lifeline for us Carers. Finally, I would describe myself as Resilient, Resourceful and Loving.
Also attached is a painting of my parents and me, which I commissioned for mum’s 90th birthday 2 years ago. It was painted by artist Bruce Noble, professional artist, and retired former consultant eye surgeon at the LGI. It was entered for the ‘ Leeds 2023’ event last year and was featured in an exhibition. Bruce was a student in South Africa and was part of the struggle and connected to my Dad via Nelson Mandela. He was so touched by their common bond and as part of the struggle, that he gifted the painting to my parents which was an amazing gesture.
You can also read Kiran’s poem about caring here.
